Monday, April 5, 2010

oh life....

you're throwing too much at once in my direction
it's going to be an interesting 4 months

Saturday, March 27, 2010

can't sleep

so i turned 24
it does not feel much different

on Sunday i get to pick up Ellen and we're going to spend the day together
it's going to be nice

recently i've been reading up too many things
my brain is a bit overloaded with information

on antisemitism,
some of the definitions on the term are very extreme and some are just loose. violent acts of hate against a specific group is not something i would ever consider. although, what if this group of people is doing just that against others? in that case i don't really care what kind of culture you have. the right to lead a free life belongs to everyone. Being against the state of israel for denying basic human rights to Palestinians apparently is antisemitic.
how does this happen
everything has to be this sort of reverse racism mantra when it comes to jews
to me they seem to bring the prejudice upon themselves and they do it very well

origins of the aryan race
well it had nothing to do with the planet earth, i'll tell you that much
the concept of a master race doesn't really apply to human beings
how it came to be adopted might have come from an over exaggeration of fictional literature
there may be some facts about the origins
but i do not agree in the "master" part
they're just another race

free energy
the general consensus is that somehow free energy devices are transforming energy from the environment into usable work, mainly a movement of electrons. they key of it all lies in creating the conditions for an adequate medium for this new type of energy. i do not think we will come up with anything for a while. i could be wrong, but our thinking was not ever nurtured into thinking about maybe having in infinite amount of energy. the concept of scarcity is much too rooted in the mind of those who do this kind of research. we need a new breed of researchers to become free from old ways of thinking.

working out
well i'm finally doing the classic version of p90x. i had to skip today's workout. i was way too tired. hopefully i can fix my diet before i get too far into the program. that or i will just be a very pudgy very muscular guy.

personal finance
well i've started pumping as much money as i can into my savings
found out my bank has a great trading account deal
100 free trades! holy crap! this is going to be all kinds of great
i've have began to think of the stock market inversely
bear market means cheap buys
i will not be suckered into buying a stock on it's way up
of course that sounds like an oxymoron
but there's a good explanation to it when you know what you're doing
let's hope i read enough before i blow all of my money

reading a book called tragedy and hope
western civilization. i wonder what will happen with us.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

just another day

so i was eating lunch at subway earlier today and this guy randomly ran into the glass window thinking it was the door. being a saddist can be very rewarding sometimes.

it's was my second day of officially starting the classic version of p90x
i had been doing the lean version
things are going good with it
plyometrics always kicks my ass
shoulders and arm workout tomorrow!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

it's good for my fingers

today i picked up albert in north dallas
we came over to my place and made music
i am very glad i gave him my synthesizer
he knows how to use it better than me now
it was fun to just pick up the guitar again
i have neglected it for a long time

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


i went to the acura dealership on monday
it was a great experience
they let me test drive the car i want
the guy who took me out was just as young as i am
20 something with not much to lose
so we went to the back of the dealership and waited for traffic to clear out
then he told me to floor it, so i did
got to 95mph right before i almost ran out of road to brake
the car drove like a dream
we headed back to the lot and he then took the order for the exact specs of the car i want
when he finds it they are going to call me
so exciting

aside from that i'm a little bit stressed with money matters
even though i do make enough i'm still having to pay for things my family needs, mainly my brother
he needs to get his act together
i've already paid for almost 2 evictions

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

not the greatest of days

why is it so hard to find a good doctor who won't just pump you full of medicine!
seriously i'm tired of it
"take as needed" prescription, it's just messed up

Monday, March 8, 2010


video games are my one and only vice
whenever i start i just can't stop playing
we started a clan!!
gaah we are extremely good at domination
we still kind of suck at team deathmatch
we'll see how we do with hardcore matches

Sunday, March 7, 2010

what a great sunday

today i went to the cheesecake factory with Ellen.
the hype on that place definitely did not disappoint.
the four cheese pasta i ordered was AMAZING!
after eating we called Tyler and went to shadow lan to play left 4 dead.
then i took Ellen back to denton.

on the way to denton i got a text from caroline asking me to babysit Lily for a while
she's one very interesting kid. i asked her to show me her mean face and this is what she came up with:

she also painted a picture

Friday, March 5, 2010

no school?

really? after i drive all the way from butt fuck nowhere downtown dallas? yeah fuck me right?

ran 3 miles today
i need to get cracking
hopefully i'll be able to get on my bike again
haven't cycled in over 3 years
but the summer is coming up and going to white rock lake is so amazing
the summer sunsets there are WOW!
also this year i'll actually walk up to the old guy on the lawn chair with the sign saying "free advice"
i should have done that a long time ago

Thursday, March 4, 2010

rough day....

again the only good thing i can say about it is that i worked out.

work is just getting ridiculous.
not only are we already doing the job of several different people
the company is getting rid of some several thousand employees and giving us the work load.
on top of that...
the only person in my team between 5pm and 10pm is none other than me.
since pay predetermined by the union contract, i'm not getting paid to do 3 jobs at once.
the fact is completely ignored.
on top of ALL that.
the company refuses to change my status from part-time to full-time even though i work 40 hours a week and sometimes do required overtime.
of course, more work does mean job security, but even that isn't worth it when you're being abused.

today Ashley Rice messaged me
i still don't understand how the simple fact that she's pregnant doesn't make her realize she probably should reconsider doing so.
both her and her mother sent me friend requests on facebook today
as if she suddenly cares about what happens in my life
i wonder what the father of that kid would think if he knew how attached me and her are.
i won't spite the kid regardless of anything
if i happen to be a part of them someday i'll just let them know what i know now.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

laundry day

why can't laundry just do itself...

today felt very long.
the only good thing out of it was that i was able to finally work out after a few days of being sick. 4 miles felt like nothing! i'm probably going to do it again tomorrow rather than just 3.
i've quite a bit to do before i sleep though.
cleaning my kitchen and my room is not going to be fun.
seeing a mess kind of makes me annoyed at myself.
i don't want to go back to living like when i did too much xanax.
at least that part of it is a good feeling, i actually care nowadays.

Ellen texted me and asked me how my day was going.
that definitely made it bearable.
gaah she's just all kinds of great.

ugh, two hours of training.
usually it's fun to do.
but they crammed too much material all at once.
my head hurt.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

the magnet motor

so far i have confirmed many of the observations provided by people who were looking into working with magnets.
while playing with the make shift rotor i made, i found out the arrangement of the magnets can't just be approximated. It has to be exact.
i have 12 1/2 inch diameter magnets with 7 lbs push/pull force. the north pole facing out on the stack of cds.
and then, i'm using several 1 inch diameter magnets stacked on top of each other as a "push magnet". each one of the has about 14 lbs push/pull force. i'm calculating about 70 lbs of push/pull force total with them.
with the current arrangement some sort of magnetic flux is being caused with the spacing of the 1/2 inch magnets. the push magnet is getting stuck on it and then the rotor doesn't move.
i'm taking this information for what it is since i had to experience it eventually.

there are not so great news for my bank account.
more exact mesaurements means more money on materials and tools
i guess that's fine but ugh.....
this whole week will be dedicated to playing with the magnets a little bit more before i commit them to one specific project.
as of Sunday i will begin to gather materials for what will become a Bedini motor.
the task seems a bit daunting since i have no experience making complex circuits.
much less a circuit which violates everything they taught me in class.

Monday, March 1, 2010

3 days of this!

GAAAH! stupid food poisoning!
i made sure to send a message to the owner of Zini's
hopefully something like this didn't happen to other customers

Today was kind of neat.
I was able to hang out with Sasan and play video games.
We hardly ever hang out so it was just nice to hang out.

Tomorrow hopefully i'll be ok to drive and see Ellen.
That lady keeps slowly but surely taking over me more often.
I don't mind it one bit
As oblivious as she can be, she's still all kinds of amazing.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

getting to it!

so yesterday i bought 50 dollars worth of rare earth magnets
n53 grade!
they are incredibly strong.
actually, i already broke one of them. I decided to take off the spacers in between the magnets so that the pull force doesn't multiply. It was not the greatest idea i've ever had.

the set up i have going right now is the most basic and rudimentary. The duct tape i am using right now is doing a good job at holding the smaller magnets in place. I am using the edge of a 3 cd stack.

hopefully the results will be good.

Monday, February 22, 2010

tommorow is going to be interesting

As of now i have gathered enough knowledge to begin my project.
I consider this to be my calling and my passion.
someday we will not be dependent on the grid for electricity.
my goal will be to outfit every home with the device which will dramatically reduce or eliminate their energy costs.
whether it is here in the states or somewhere else.

first projects

- build a known design of a simple eletrolyzer to determine an average of normal Hydrogen output (i will only use my numbers)
- build a prototype to my specifications to try and increase efficiency in output of Hydrogen
- if the first prototype succeeds, build a second BIGGER prototype.

- build a known design and determine the total power output of the device
- build my own prototype of my own design to try and increase efficiency in total power output
- depending on the results adjust to provide steady current to the electrolyzer for extended periods of time.

i'm excited.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


well i'm gonna try to describe this
my insides are all tense at the torso
my limbs are twitching
my vision is blurred
my mind is racing

i don't have my meds ugh
stupid anxiety

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

the day is way too long!


so i get up. i got to school. i go work out . eat lunch. i go to work
it doesn't seem like much
but man oh man....
and sometimes i have hw but i'm trying to make that an irrelevant value for the moment

things are moving a long and in a positive direction in general.
work - good overall, got a raise and didn't even know about it.
friends - i've been neglecting most of them.i hung out with my friend Mimi and she gave me a mouthful on how i've been ignoring her.

the dealing with girls i like thing is giving me the urge to get it's own post
but to keep the bitching to a minimum let's just paraphrase it in this one
Ellen - the person i relate to the most on any level at the moment. we pretty much have the same values system when it comes to relationships. she has rejected me before and it sucked. now we're both more grown up and she's still one of the most amazing people i know. i'll just do what she wants based on the fact that i like her. hope she decides i'm no so bad after all.

Stephanie - yet another girl i like. this one has a twist. for some reason she intimidates me beyond reason. i really don't understand it. it's like i'm going through puberty all over again when i'm in front of that woman. sheesh. so i'm trying no to smother her because she just got out of a very long relationship. not only that, she lives in another state while she's doing her schooling. though she's moving back i'm afraid she has already "friend zoned" me. well i hope that guy from work is able to treat her better than me, and i don't mean any sarcasm by that. she's a nice person, wish i could get to know more about her.

ok that's as short as i could make it ^^^
moving on...

Family - i haven't talked to anyone in my family recently. i've messaged my sister-in-law on facebook but that's about it. they need to learn to stand on their on and not depend on the fact that i'm extremely giving. if they ask me to do something i just do it. since they don't mind asking, i end up doing everything. well it's time for everyone to stand on their own and not use me. sounds messed up but i love all of them all very much.

roomate - wow, so living with one of your best friends does feel like a never ending sleep over. well technically until the lease is up it feels that way. what's funny is that i don't see michelle much. when i'm coming in she's going out and vice versa. we did have a nice conversation the the other night though. she has helped me out so much. i don't know what i would do without her. drives me around when i need it, picks me up from anywhere when i need it. i had to fake it out and say her cooking sucks. yup, i'm a jerk, but it's only so that she doesn't ever think she has to have a cooked meal everyday. that'd be kind of messed up. i might abuse he requests to cook me some mac & cheese though. the way she makes it is the BEST!

fitness/working out - ok so i am running 3 miles a day for the moment and i have stopped anything having to do with gaining more muscle. i did weight training and p90x for a while. my body is very muscular now but there's a downside. my pudge refuses to go away. i know why though, i sit on ass everyday at work and eat junk, that's it. since i have the mornings free i am doing more cardio and eating healthier meals at home. hope to see some results in about 3 weeks.

i can't think of anything else to type....

Monday, February 15, 2010

new work schedule

well it starts tomorrow
it should leave me time to go to school and work out in the mornings
maybe even get breakfast AND lunch
this is a good opportunity to start eating more healthy
got a lot of goodies today to pack my own lunch
that's the up side
thing is getting out late isn't very much fun
oh well, i'll put up with it for this semester

Sunday, February 14, 2010

lazy day

today i had one of the laziest days I've had in a long time
i stayed in bed and watched Gundam 00 season 2
it was great.
the Jimmy Johns close to my place definitely knows who i am now.
ate two of their gourmet veggie subs today

today i started thinking
April 19th will be here soon
i'm questioning whether i did my part or not
i should know, but still, staying in a dormant state while i better myself is getting kind of confusing
it's always something some people know but nobody talks about
from time to time i'll notice others who understand and have joined the movement
regardless, for those of us already in the know, we have to keep going.
truth will prevail.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

staying in

recently i've been a hermit crab.
i haven't hung out with too many people.
usually i'll just go to work and school when i have to.
can't decide if this is all good or bad.

i think i'm trying to stay in focus
need to fully get my life together to move on i suppose
gaah i can't wait for my new car
it's weird how my materialistic values are going to overrule the fact that i'm a vegetarian.
i guess that means i'm not a vegetarian anymore
regardless i'm still not gonna eat meat
the leather seats do look nice on acura rl's

Sunday, February 7, 2010

pleasantly tired

today i picked up Ellen from Denton.
we ate at maggianno's.
it was so delicious.
we then went to fry's eletronics in plano. it was not a fun experience. all i wanted was more ram for my computer. after asking for help the sales rep pointed at another rep and the request was ignored. i stood there for about 5 minutes and gave up. i took my business to microcenter instead. i bought 2GB's of ram and a microsd card for my phone.
this is exciting because i can finally resume documenting my 20 something's
the video camera on my phone is not that great so i'm considering getting another model.
after going to fry's we got starbucks and went to entertainmart and got some movies. I chose the remake of great expectations.
"it's my heart, and it's been broken" gaaaah such a great scene in the movie.
after entertainmart we went to guitar center. the sales person there kept egging me to play the more expensive guitars, so i did. yeah, it's scary playing a 3000 dollar guitar when you have to buy it if you drop it. that thing is worth more than my car!
I took Ellen back to denton while listening to loud music.
in all an ok day i suppose.
i don't know how long i can give her as much attention as i do without wanting to ask her out
if she doesn't make a move soon it'll be so off putting. oh wells....

Saturday, February 6, 2010

the lady walking out with me out of the apartment building

so i'm walking out to go to work.
this lady is rushing towards the gate just like i am.
she is carrying a basket.
this basket is full of dirty laundry
it was one of the most awkward moments I've experienced with another human being recently, although there's been much more extreme situations.
but seriously lady, next time you go do laundry, pack your dirty bras and undies at the bottom of the basket.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

tko before it even starts....

down and out, just like that.
so let's take back all of the list making
and disregard the "oogle googles"
for the moment, replace them with the taste of bittersweet
within this analogy i guess it would be a burst of warm blood from a busted lip, seeping into taste buds.
reminding the conscience governing my brain, "you should have known your place"

seriously, if my caring punched Ellen in the face, She wouldn't feel it at all tonight.
we'll just wait for tomorrow.
she sure knows how to make these hypothetical analogies feel very literal.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

caffeine high!


this probably will be the high point of the day.
drank a whole cup of coffee very fast earlier along with a muffin and a chocolate chip cookie.
it was awesome!
trying to get out of work early to work on my english paper.

the past few days have been kind of interesting.
i have felt much more ok and happier with my situation.
things don't look so bad.
actually, they are looking up in general.

the only thing to wait for now is Valentines Day!
Ellen asked me to hang out that day. I'm definitely looking forward to it. so i might have to get a bit creative for the day. We are going to have a day of doing the things we like the most.
i will type down a basic outline so that i remember.
  • HANG OUT OVERNIGHT FROM FEB 13th ONTO THE 14th - probably just hang with friends and have a few drinks (that's for me). She tends to drink a lot more than me.
  • DRIVE AROUND TO LOUD MUSIC - from denton and maybe drive around white rock.
  • LUNCH AT MAGGIANNO'S - by far one of our favorite restaurants. the mushroom ravioli al forno! GAAAH! DELICIOUS!
  • PLAY VIDEO GAMES - if everyone on Team Nirty Diggers (yup...that's the name of our team) is up for it, we will go play left 4 dead.

when we have fun that's usually the formula. those are just my ideas. she might have a lot more.
i'm going to assume she hasn't changed her mind.
no biggie regardless, i'm all about the "oogle googles".
i'll just look forward to the next time she wants to spend a day together.

i started on this blog earlier today. i forgot at what time.
now it's 1:13 pm and i have to wait til 7pm to be off work.

so there's this tv right in front of my cubicle that has the channel HLN everyday on it.
seriously, that channel is one of the lamest things i've ever seen.
of course, it's great to find out what's going on for the day in regards to news.
but do they really have to loop the same thing over and over and over?
Brangelina, missing people, haiti, clark howard helping people with money problems, the oscars, the grammy's......
then they do it all over again.
these people are making money out of doing this.
oh yeah and the commercials, the TAX MASTER needs to shave his beard.

Dear English Paper

could you please write yourself?
because i am just beyond brain dead at the moment.
oh yeah, also do me another favor.
pick me up a to-go order at Buzzbrews.
the Amigas platter with veggie sausage, an order of garlic marbles, and extra tortillas

thanks english paper

~the mannikinz~

Friday, January 29, 2010

so that was kind of neat

I was in class today and our instructor went just a little bit into sacred geometry.
That was exciting!
If anybody in that class didn't know the concept, at least now they do.

random thoughts...
I am still full from lunch.
I can't wait to get home and work out, gonna see how fast i can run 2 miles.
Jason's Deli's salad bar is awesome.
The shirt i'm wearing smells because it was not included in my last laundry load.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

pregnant women.....

Yup, it was it was my idea you decided to go off with another guy.
It was my idea for you to get pregnant with his kid.
It was my idea you decided to break it off with him.
It was my idea for you to message me again to talk about it.
what do you want now?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


As of today i have moved everything that was left at my mom's into the new place!
I am here to stay until this lease is over!

Earlier i went to my friend Dustin's apartment. He had asked me hack the internet in his apartment. It turned out all the good connections were WPA encrypted. A bummer for him but it's great to know people are finally figuring out that WEP is too risky to use.
After that ordeal we had to pick up his phone from his parent's house.
While we were there i had the chance to talk to her step dad for a while.
He asked me about my background and what kind of work i do.
Of course, i bragged about my background with networking. I'm glad I'm able to give myself random ego boosts for no reason, gets me through the day HA!
After more probing he decided to extend me a job offer.
This is extremely exciting for me. He is willing to refer me to a dream IT position!

I do believe this to be true.
"Luck" is indeed "when preparation meets opportunity".
all of these years of hard work may finally pay off into a job that can get me through college.
the thought of staying a "customer support analyst" makes me shudder.
it's just a fancy way of saying tech support guy.
I think people on their way down like to put titles like that on simple jobs to soften the harsh reality of having ended up where they are.
That would be, working with a 20 something year old that does for fun what they studied for years to get a college degree.
There i go giving myself another ego boost.

I am well prepared for this and i will take the opportunity
lets hope i get lucky soon.

Monday, January 25, 2010


It has been a hectic past few months.
I'm finally doing it. I'm starting all over again.
Things are as they should be for the moment.
Except, I've got court in a week.
At least it is not for something serious.
I did screw up a little bit.
That was not a fun way to find out my insurance company was not deducting money out of a bank account.
How do i not notice money wasn't going missing? well i just never worry about money that's all.
My job just does direct deposit every two weeks and i go about my life without worrying.
That's kind of the point of working hard everyday.

Moving was just like any other move, tiring and annoying!
How does one person amount so much to move in 7 months?
I can imagine how much i would have had to move if i didn't give away stuff from my last apartment.
It might have been a truck load or two.
Now comes the task of organizing everything into a new closet.
Shouldn't be that hard once i stop procrastinating.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

"HE WENT APESHIT!" ~manni's co-worker~

So i was at work today and noticed all of my supervisors were in a weird mode of panic. They all left and did not come back for a while. suddenly, we see cops and firefighters show up. Apparently one of my teammates went ballistic over his job. Heard from several people he had a stand off while trying to kill himself. Maybe he actually did but the supervisors decided to keep it to themselves. The building i work in is pretty big so it'd be easy to keep something like that under wraps.
Poor Chuck though, I'm sure if he's not dead he's definitely not coming back to work as a second chance.
I had a conversation with him about another previous attempt that involved a S.W.A.T team. He seemed calm and casual about it, almost as if he was proud to have caused such a situation.
crazy eh?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

first post

I decided to start posting even before this is checked for a grade. If i don't do it today, I'll forget i had to do it at all.
I'm not quite sure what you're looking for in regards to the format of this.
I've a bad habit of pressing the enter key after most sentences on a blog.
I think it started a while back when i realized all of my sentences start with "I", meaning for myself or just a word that starts with it.
It was meant to get me to notice how annoying the pattern is.
maybe i will do something about it eventually.
what if my grade depended on it? ugh...
I'll just pretend i'm not being graded.

so today, i started school for the semester. let's hope i don't screw up on English 1302 again. We did all of the new class formalities. We were supposed to write a paper about how the class is relevant to my major. Well, i'm definitely sure it is. I just couldn't think of reasons right away.
you want to ask why don't you? yup yup!
Ok, well it has to do with pants.
I was wearing a new pair of jeans today from a store i shop at regularly. I've always known their clothes are not made with the best of fabrics. Today, i found out they have decreased their nylon to denim percentage in jeans. I learned it the hard way. The non-stretchy pant legs cut the circulation to my lower half. The increase in pressure induced a headache i couldn't recover from. definitely one of the most uncomfortable times I've had in a while. I called work, told them i was not coming in.
yes sir, i missed work over non stretchy pants.